Gap Pink Theory Novel Chapter 57 – Backstage [Khun Sam] (Part 9)
Others tend to think of themselves first. But everyone thinks differently. In my case, even though I love my bunny very much, I need to follow my own rule.
A promise is a promise.
I can’t be selfish and live with someone I’ve just met and leave my grandmother, the person who raised me. It’s not fair to Mon, but I can’t leave my grandmother. She is the only one left of my family.
When we, the three sisters, had no one else, we were welcomed by her. She was the only one who never abandoned us, so I won’t abandon her.
Yes… I made my choice.
Even though I said I made a choice, I didn’t have the courage to see or call Mon… All I could do was remain silent and wait for the right moment. But Tee, my bossy friend, brought Mon to see me. And when we stared at each other, I just felt sorry for her.
“Okay, I understand.”
She understood? What exactly did she understand? What I did was terrible.
I didn’t choose her, and yet she understands.
When she walked away and I felt like my heart was stolen from me. Since I was born I have never loved anyone other than my family and friends. I have never loved a person romantically before.
Mon was my love. Only love I ever had, and I wouldn’t have…
“Sam, let’s try on your wedding dress.”
Kirk was trying to contact me, even though I ignored him. I yelled at him to get away, but he didn’t give up. He was determined to get married.
“You’re going to marry me, but where’s that girl Kirk?”
“It’s been a while since I broke up with her.”
“But she didn’t want to break up with you.”
“I made a deal with her that we wouldn’t go too far. I never loved her. I love you, only you.”
“I say the same…” I look at him and smile. “I will never love you. I love Mon, she’s the one for me.”
I knew what I said was rude and would hurt him… On the other hand, if Mon told me that…
‘I will never love you…’
Hmm… it would hurt too much…
“It hurts?” I say as I sit in his car without looking at his face. “If we get married, all you’ll get is pain. And you won’t be able to handle it, you’ll want to commit suicide. Just saying…”
“…”
“Why don’t you hang a rope around your neck? Bastard!”
“I can take it.”
Kirk, who had been silent for a moment, answered. His response surprised me. Or was he just trying to trick me.
“How could I stand it?”
“I love you.”
“How much do you love me?”
“You can not imagine how much.”
“If I told you to die. Would die?” He smiles a little. “I see you said you love me very much.”
“I can do this.”
He steps on the accelerator and the car exceeds 140 km/h, in fact it exceeds 160 km/h.
“You are ridiculous!” I lean back in the seat and cross my arms over my chest. “Is it creating a drama scene? Die together?”
“I wouldn’t regret dying with you.”
“But, I yes. I’m worried that if I die, Mon will suffer a lot for me… It would be better for you to leave me here and die alone.”
“Heavens!!!”
Kirk turned the wheel to the left, slowed down, and flicked his hazard lights into park. He hits the steering wheel angrily. Despite being shocked, I don’t let him see it. All she could do was watch him act like an angry child.
“Why do you hurt me so much? Why you do this with me? With the person who loves you so much?”
“The mirror theory does not reflect everything. You love me doesn’t mean I love you. Because I don’t love you, I have no reason to care how you feel, especially not being part of this theater to force me into marriage. Even though I know I’m in love with someone else.”
“But it’s for a girl. It’s not true love, you’re kidding yourself Sam!”
“If there was only you in this world…” I look at him feeling nothing. “I wouldn’t choose you.”
“You should choose me. Choose me!” Kirk unbuckled his seat belt and walked over to me. He tries with all his strength to lift my shirt.
“What the hell are you doing?”
I resist and try to hit him. But I can’t fight him off and my shirt is pulled so hard the buttons come off, revealing my bra.
“Pink… you don’t even like pink.”
Tears in my eyes covered my vision, I was afraid that I had been violated. It made me more disgusted with him.
“Because Mon likes pink. So I use it, to always have it with me.”
“When are you going to stop making me mad at you?”
“And when are you going to stop making me hate you more and more?”
Finally, I burst into tears. The hand that was holding my shirt tightly releases slowly, as if he was shocked by his own attitude. Then he rubs his head desperately.
“I’m sorry… I’ve never acted like this before. Do you know. I always cared for you and never dishonored you.”
“But what you just did is unforgivable. Who are you? I don’t recognize you anymore!”
It was his turn, he was in tears. His face showed regret, which made me look away, because I didn’t want to feel sorry for him.
“You must hate me a lot. I won’t regain your trust…” Kirk continued to cry like a child. I felt sorry for him, so he dried his tears. “Drive my car. I will come down here and take a taxi.”
I almost asked how he was going to get a taxi in the middle of the expressway. But I was so angry and hateful that I kept silent until he got out of the car.
‘Never give up… never… never.’
When I arrived, my grandmother was shocked to see me in that state. When she asked me, I just smiled because she wanted to hide all the pain she was feeling inside me.
“Talk to you soon. I’ll take a shower first.”
When I took the first step, Grandma grabbed my arm and asked:
“Are you okay, Khun Sam?”
“It was nothing. I am fine.”
“You can tell me everything.”
Everything?
I keep smiling at her, even though I want to resist. I walk away from her politely.
“Nothing you can help with.”
Then I go back to my space and lock the door, making sure no one follows or disturbs me.
“Heavens…”
My smile mask is taken off. I sit on the floor with my back against the door. I remain silent and cry. It’s a lot of pressure for a thirty-year-old.
Why can’t I live my own life? Is that why Khun Nueng left? And this is why Khun Song committed suicide?
Should I be more selfish? Run away from her or end all my problems by killing myself too?
A girl’s beautiful face appears vividly in my head. Tears on her face, it was Mon, she would be sorry if I was no longer in this world.
What am I thinking? Suicide? When I realize what I was thinking, I push those thoughts away and run to the bathroom to take a shower. I’ll let all the exhaustion go down the drain.
I won’t end up like this, like Khun Song. I have things to do and I will do them myself.
And this difficult day affected the next day. Grandma arranged a meeting with Kirk at the palace. I was so irritated and disgusted to see him.
“Yes, Khun Sam has arrived.”
My grandmother said and beckoned for me, but I remained motionless.
“Why do not you come? Come here.”
“Sam…”
“It’s okay to be here… look at him.” Grandma said to me slowly. Then she raises her hand and slaps him across the face.
Bang!
Everyone was shocked. I didn’t expect to see that either.
“What happened? Why?”
“Let it serve as a lesson for destroying my granddaughter’s clothes.” And Grandma slapped him again, harder this time. “And this one is to regain my granddaughter’s honor.”
As? How did she know?
“I… I’m sorry.”
“I do not tolerate dishonour. Even worse when it comes to my granddaughter.” Grandma said clearly. “We won’t have any more weddings. We won’t be talking about this anymore, get out of here immediately!”
If we talk about determination and intention when it comes to work, I would be at the top of the list. But when it comes to making a decision, there’s no one better than my grandmother. Kirk gets up to go home.
“Accompany him.”
Grandma said to the maid. Her intention was to speak with me alone.
“Why did you do that, grandma?”
“Why did not you do. So I did it for you. Come.”
I stand still. Even though she called me.
“Now you don’t listen to me anymore?”
Ah…
Grandma, who was taller than me, hugs me and I can feel her love run through me. She affectionately rubs my back with her hand.
“Everything is fine. How it feels?”
My tears explode. She laughs at my tears as she wipes away my tears.
“I haven’t seen you cry in a long time.”
“I never cried.”
“Yes, because when you’re upset, you smile. And you’ve been smiling for a few weeks now. It made me upset.”
“…”
“I know you’re not happy, but I pretended to ignore it because I believed it would pass… but you were sinking deeper and deeper.”
The old lady speaks sobbing. The strongest one, the one who never cried, even when my father, his son died, or when Khun Song left, was crying.
“Grandfather…”
“You’ve kept your promise for a long time, and you still do. But keeping this promise made you suffer. I knew everything you’ve been through…” Her eyes were filled with anger as she said that. “You came back in Kirk’s car. His clothes were a mess. Her eyes were puffy. I was sure something bad had happened. I love you from the bottom of my heart, I cannot bear that someone should dishonor you, my dear little granddaughter. Especially for him, who came from an unknown family.”
“…”
“He dishonored you and acted as if nothing had happened. Also, he slept with his secretary.”
“Did you know.”
“Hmm…”
I never thought this would be a problem for me. I thought Grandma would figure out the truth on her own and realize that Kirk doesn’t deserve me.
“So, I won’t get married?” I ask.
“Who are you going to marry?”
When I hear that, I smile uncontrollably. Grandma looks at me blankly and says:
“But I won’t let you do that easily. I do not agree with your love.”
“Yes.”
I just accept, not daring to ask for more. How wonderful not to have to marry Kirk.
“Oh. This palace is far from your office. Better stay at your place. It is closer. I have a nurse here with me, don’t worry.”
“…”
“Do not worry. I will not trouble you there.”
There were many things implied in her words. I look into her eyes. She gave me permission to stay in my house and that she would not invade my privacy.
“Yes, then I will go home.”
“I have a request of you.”
“Yes?” I almost screamed with excitement.
“First, do not disgrace me.”
“Yes.”
“Second, don’t expose yourself unduely in public.”
“Yes.”
“Third, if you don’t marry a man, your status will be… single forever.”
What she was asking me left me a little stunned. But I agree and accept.
“Yes.”
“You are a good girl.” She places her hand on my head affectionately. “Khun Sam, you were the only one of my granddaughters who was always by my side. Even living with difficulty, he chose me.”
“…”
“That’s all I can do. All right?”
I hug my grandmother. She staggers a little and smiles.
“All right. It’s fine with me.”
“Well… and fourth, please don’t smile when you’re with me.”
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