Gap Pink Theory Novel Chapter 56 – Backstage [Khun Sam] (Part 8)
Being a rebel wasn’t easy… I wanted to win this game, but deep down I was afraid of disappointing my grandma.
When I visit the past, I see that Grandma adopted us, three sisters, after our parents passed away. Sometimes she was so strict, but I know how much she loved and cared about us. She was always kind to me.
“You are a little girl, too bad.”
She used to say this when we had guests over at the palace (aka our home). All the guests noticed that my grandmother paid more attention to me than to my sisters, because I was the smallest of them all. So grandma was always kind to me. Sometimes Khun Song would look at me in disappointment.
“I should have been born short like you. She would be kinder to me.”
I didn’t take the blame for anything. If my grandmother traveled abroad, she would buy me snacks. I knew that she had more privileges than Khun Nueng and Khun Song. So when the two of them were no longer here, I promised my grandmother that I would never let her down.
But I was about to let her down in the name of love. I asked Khun Nueng for help. Khun Nueng, who ran away from home, didn’t refuse to help me, but because we would make an exchange.
“I’ll pay you a hundred thousand, to at least go with me.” [NT: Approximately BRL 14,000.00]
[Money can’t buy me…]
“Khun Nueng…”
[When it’s not enough… Okay, okay. Transfer to my old account. Cash first. When are you going to see our grandma?]
I wanted to win this time, so I agreed to pay her for it…
But Khun Nueng was Khun Nueng. I waited for her, but she didn’t show up. I’ve been parked in front of the palace for so long that a maid came to call me to see my grandmother… In the end, I was the only one, alone, who would face my grandmother.
Every step I took was filled with pain and anxiety. Several questions were circling in my head.
‘Serious?’
‘Will I really do that?’
Thoughts could knock me out. I loved my grandmother too much and I didn’t dare to be selfish.
“Kirk.”
When I enter the palace, I see Kirk talking about something serious with my grandmother in the living room. Grandma looks at me and gives a small smile. She waves for me to come over.
“Come, sit with me.”
“Yes.”
“You arrived a long time ago, why didn’t you come in? I had to ask a maid to come get you. What’s it?”
Palpitation… Palpitation…
I could hear my heartbeat. All the courage that was accompanying me, was gone when I saw his eyes and smile.
“Need to talk to you.”
“Perfect. Me too. Kirk has found the date for your wedding ceremony… two months from now.”
“…”
“It’s very close.”
My courage returned and I answered her. She shakes her head in disagreement.
“It’s too late, actually. Even though we are close, it is too late to prepare.”
“Can I cancel, please?”
“Can not.”
Grandma responded immediately after I asked. The living room was silent. This was the first time I resisted her. I never disobeyed her, because everything she chose so far for me was the best.
But since it’s about love, I have to resist.
“I have been a good girl to you for a long time.” I try to speak. “If you said left, I’d go left, if you said right, I’d go right. I followed your path because I love you so much, grandma. But and you?”
“I love you, that’s why I did this.”
I lift my head and for the first time, I glare at her. My grandma looks at me with all her might, like she’s trying to make me feel bad.
“If you really love me, grandma. Why don’t you listen to me?
“Because it is unacceptable.”
Grandma was talking about love with me for the first time. Although she didn’t say I fell in love with a woman, when she said ‘unacceptable’ I understood what she meant.
“I have done nothing wrong or in public.”
“Even today, one day all this will come to light. I don’t want to hear gossip about you. Get married soon and forget about everything that happened.”
“I am not getting married.”
“Will you disappoint me? And your promise?”
I get up and argue for the first time with her.
“Just this once… I beg you. I cannot get married.”
I said it loud and clear. Kirk stands up shocked that I’ve argued with her.
“Sam, please calm down. It’s his grandmother.”
“Shut up! You are the problem, this is all your fault.”
“Don’t blame anyone. If you were normal and not gay, I wouldn’t rush you like that.”
Finally, my grandmother said aloud. Even having held back not to say. I smile.
“You are forcing me because you cannot accept what I am. Is this your love?”
“You’re just following the trend, because of your gay friends. You don’t like girls, it’s because of that girl. She was surrounding you.”
“Kirk has been with me for a long time, but I don’t love him. I love Mon. That’s the truth.”
“Don’t you dare leave here.”
I hasten to leave the palace. I almost run, but Kirk follows. He takes my hand to stop me.
“Sam, don’t do this. Grandma loves you very much.”
“You know I love you too. But I will not accept that.” I move away from my childhood friend, I am feeling anger and hatred for him and I don’t want to see him anymore. “Is that you? How long do you intend to keep this? Why do you want to marry me? I won’t be happy with you.”
“I will make you love me.”
“I will commit suicide if I have to marry you.”
“Sam!”
Grandma was following me, yelled at me decisively. You must have heard I said I was going to commit suicide. Her face was scared and she clutches her chest tightly.
“If you force me to marry, I will kill myself. Like Khun Song did!”
“Sam, come back.”
I keep walking. And everything gets worse when Khun Nueng shows up. For a moment, I was mad that she’d come so late and left me to suffer alone. Grandma, who was angry with me, when she saw Khun Nueng, she was just shocked and unresponsive.
Calling Khun Nueng here was unexpected. I expected her to help me talk to my grandmother. Perhaps my sister would help my grandmother give up the idea of marriage. But it wasn’t like I expected. Her arrival made everything worse. In fact, I should have stayed to look after my grandmother, but I walked away. Because I really wanted to win this time.
“Turn your back on this palace and go away. The rule that wins this game is… you need to love yourself more than others.”
“But…”
“Go now!”
“Khun Sam, please don’t leave.” I could remember my grandmother’s voice very well. She was filled with anger and disappointment. “If you go, I will make you disappear from my life.”
“What you are doing is pushing everyone out of your life. Instead of caring and giving love, you are selfish. You used us as you pleased.”
What Khun Nueng said made the whole situation worse. I knew she was determined, but I didn’t think she would.
“From today, please die alone.”
Grandma collapsed and was taken to the hospital. I, who left the palace, felt sorry to see her like that. I didn’t know my grandmother had a heart condition. She never told anyone. Khun Nueng, who was waiting in front of the emergency room, was smiling as if nothing had happened. When he saw me, he waved to call me.
“You came… You are lost.”
“Grandma is sick. She couldn’t sit and wait. Win or lose, I don’t care anymore.”
“Sam, you should love yourself more. Coming here just shows you’re still looking out for her. She will use this to control her life. And in the end, you will not live as you would like.” Khun Nueng smiles and shakes his head. “You are so weak.”
“Yes, I am weak. But what is a strong girl like you doing here?”
“I’m here to find out if she’s alive or dead.”
“Are you serious?” I glare at her, who continues to look at the emergency sign. “You are smiling, it means you are stressed.”
She looks at me and raises her eyebrows.
“Do you remember?”
“I follow what you told me. If I’m stressed, I smile. So I know how you really feel… you’re feeling guilty, right?”
“Not. I realized what my nature looks like.”
We were both silent until the doctor appeared. He told us that Grandma’s health was not good. All we had to do was stick to the medication and not stress her out. When we asked further, he told us that she has had these symptoms for two years.
Two years ago, and I never knew she was sick…
“It means she’s almost dead. It is good news for those who remain.” Khun Nueng said in the presence of the doctor, she was surprised and walked away. Now there was just me, looking at him indignantly.
“Why did you say that?”
“You can live your life. And we will divide all her inheritance.”
“Khun Nueng!”
“Just wait. Today I’m going back to the palace because Grandma will be staying here at the hospital. So please take care of her and call me if she dies.”
“Why are you talking like that? She created us. She is your grandmother.”
“If you love her, marry Kirk. Why did you call me?” Khun Nueng insults me. “You will spoil her in everything. From my point of view, if you like it, do as you like.”
“Why do you hurt everyone around you with your words…?” I say disappointed. We should be supporting each other right now.
“But it looks like you’ve decided your path. Being a good little girl is fine, but not for you. So please at least have the decency to break up with your girlfriend.”
“…”
“She will be happier with someone else.”
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