Gap Pink Theory Novel Chapter 49 – Bastidores [Khun Sam] (Part 1)
All the longing I was feeling these two months ends today…
When we get home, I carry my beloved up the stairs and throw her on the bed to taste every inch of her body. In Mon’s case, she’s the easy-to-control type of girl. She knows what to do at the right moment. The girl with the heart-shaped lips knows how to do her job masterfully.
“Khun Sam, take your time. We have all night together.”
“I’m not in a hurry, but I’m running out of patience.”
“You’re not pulling the strings anymore.”
The little girl giggles as she kisses me. We are exchanging many feelings through lips, tongue and the touch of our hands all over the body.
“I missed you so much, Khun Sam.”
“I know, it shows when I touch you.” I smile when my finger touches her in an important spot and I feel how much her body is yearning for me. We are no longer ashamed. And if we’re afraid, it’s just hunger to make love.
“Don’t provoke me, Khun Sam. You made me like this.”
The small girl covers her face with her hands. I chuckle before taking her hand away from her face and kissing it tenderly.
“You made me like this. Where should I start?”
“Wherever you want.”
“Are you going to be a sexy girl?” I face my girl and lean down to kiss her neck with my lips. My tongue licks it gently.
“And will you be a fiery girl?”
… Yes. Before, I never thought it could be like this, until she came into my life…
Back to the memories of when I was young. Um… how long has it been? It was over twenty years ago. I’m grown up now… As long as I can remember, my parents haven’t been with me.
***
“From now on, your child will be in my care.”
Grandma is the first memory I have. The middle-aged lady, who was not as old as she is now, wearing a black mourning suit. Her eyes were bright and powerful. I was attentive to her since I saw her, but I had my head down. Then, she pinched my cheeks making me look at her.
“Khun Sam, you are so beautiful.”
This determined lady’s smile cheers me up. Grandma, the first person I loved. I get up and hug her after complimenting her. The kindness in her eyes made me feel privileged. It must be because I was her youngest granddaughter. So she wasn’t strict with me.
On the other hand, with my older sister, Khun Nueng, she was much stricter. As I remember, Grandma always looked at her homework. If she got something wrong, she got it. Her life was practically perfect in studies and behavior. She was lifeless.
But… she still kept smiling, even though she was stressed and destroyed inside.
“Khun Nueng, you smile all the time. Is happy?”
I asked her while practicing piano alone in the living room. There was no one around, but she kept practicing.
“Smiling doesn’t mean I’m happy.”
“But you are smiling.”
“I was training my muscles.” Khun Nueng stops playing and looks at me coldly. “I have read in several books about the control of muscles by the unconscious. If we smile, our body will believe we are happy.”
“Countryside?”
“Yes, even though I was stressed. I will always try to smile. And when I smile a lot, it means I’m really stressed. You should put this into practice.”
“So when we are really happy we can smile?”
“Don’t show anything, don’t let them know.”
“Ahh, why?”
“Smiling is for the weak. If you don’t want to be one, don’t smile.”
“It’s difficult.”
“You should practice. If you can read other people’s minds, you’ll be one step ahead. Now… Grandma can’t read my mind and neither can I hers.”
Khun Nueng smiles as he practices the piano with me. I keep everything she said to apply.
‘If you’re happy, don’t let them know.’
‘If you’re sorry, smile at them.’
Life is complicated…
***
I became that person before I even realized it. At school, I rarely had female friends. I thought it was because of my Mhom Laung [ML] title. Some thought I had great ties to the royal family. But it was just a title. And I was far from the royal family in my lineage.
- L. is an ordinary person, at least that’s what I tried to tell them. But few of them accepted to be my friends. Friends… that my grandmother didn’t like at all.
“Low class and rude. Khun Sam should stay away from them. They are a bad influence.”
That’s what she taught me. At first I listened to her, until Khun Nueng said the opposite.
“Do not stray from them, Khun Sam. You need to have friends.”
As I also wanted to have friends, I disobeyed my grandmother’s orders. It was the first time I’d been persistent, but I didn’t tell her. She understood that I walked away from them. But really, we were friends until I graduated.
First time I resisted it… it had a special taste.
If I was tough, someone else was tougher… Khun Nueng, Grandma’s masterpiece, turned rebellious. She decided to cut ties with our grandmother after being forced into a blind marriage to a minister’s son.
“You won’t make me. If you want, marry him, not me.”
Khun Nueng left the palace happily, he was grinning from ear to ear. All I remember is running towards her to stop her and curiously I saw her smile.
“Khun Nueng is smiling, it means she is stressed. You don’t want to offend Grandma, do you? So why are you leaving?”
“No, no, on the contrary, I am happy to leave…. Today, I am satisfied with what I did.” Khun Nueng looks at Grandma, who continues to stare at her. “The day that disappointed you the most.”
“Khun Nueng…”
“Khun Song will be next. You need to be strong, little sister. You will need to see it with your own eyes.”
And my older sister left without looking back.
As Khun Nueng said, Grandma had a new masterpiece. Khun Song became his new puppet.
Khun Song, the middle granddaughter, had no talents. By the rules of the world, she got all the love and no pressure. When she became the favorite, Khun Song, who had shown no interest in anything, wanted to show her full potential to grandma.
“Why did you miss that? It’s not enough, Khun Nueng was way better than you.”
“Why do you have a hump? Khun Nueng had better posture than you.”
“Why did you miss the note? Khun Nueng played better than you.”
So many ‘why?’ Khun Song received from grandma. Everything she did was compared to Khun Nueng. Khun Song endured all this pressure for a long time. That grew more and more. Until one night everything exploded.
The day a maid ran out of Khun Song’s room screaming.
Grandma and I ran to see what had happened. And we were shocked to see Khun Song hanging by her neck from the balcony. Her eyes bulged, her tongue was tucked into the back of her mouth. I fell to the ground in despair. But my grandmother never showed weakness. Even though she was sad, she never cried. But I knew she was sad.
Khun Song left a handwritten letter on top of the bed. It was about her being disappointed in Grandma, who often compared her to Khun Nueng. For a moment, I was so angry that Khun Nueng left and she didn’t attend Khun Song’s funeral. Grandma, who kept looking at Khun Song’s photos, didn’t say anything for a week. So I had to go over to her to hold her hands.
“Grandfather.”
“…”
“Everything is fine. You still have me.”
Grandma looked at me with tears in her eyes and said nothing. He must have had tons of things he wanted to say. All I could do was try to cheer her up. I rest my cheek against hers.
“I will be your ideal granddaughter.”
That’s what I promised her and I need to keep it…
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