Gap Pink Theory Novel Chapter 41 – Differences
While I’m sitting, with a pillow on my lap to cover my breasts, Khun Sam’s grandmother, who looks younger than her age, remains silent and takes the opportunity to look around the whole house.
“It is my first time here. Do you come here often?”
“Oh yes.”
“Hum…” Khun Sam’s grandma says before taking a sip of her drink. “Well, you managed to enter Khun Sam’s world.”
I’m feeling weird. I heard from Khun Sam and her friends that her grandmother is a worthy woman. She is the reason Khun Sam can’t be herself and has started saying the opposite of what she thinks. But I am now seeing an easy going person.
“Can I call you Mon?”
“Sure, as you wish.”
“So, I’ll call you Mon. You are a charming girl.” Khun Sam’s grandmother smiles. “But you are not a careful girl, nor are you wearing panties.”
“I have to apologize for that.”
Her words make me blush with embarrassment. If I had a time machine, I would have dressed better and greeted her politely.
“I heard a little about you… daughter of a janitor at Khun Sam’s old school and her father is a bus driver.”
“Yes.”
“But you had good grades, got into the same university as my granddaughter and graduated on time. How perfect, as if he had planned all of this.”
“I didn’t plan to… ah… not at all.” I try to explain to her. “Khun Sam is my inspiration, she is my role model. I tried everything to be like her. So it’s not exactly.”
“What about being her girlfriend, was that in your plans?”
“No, I didn’t plan that.”
“Hum… I heard that before you had a relationship with Khun Sam, you had a boyfriend… Nop, right?”
I shake my head quickly to deny it.
“No, I didn’t. Nop has been my friend since childhood.”
“Like Kirk. But he changed from friend to boyfriend. And now Kirk has become an outsider, someone else has taken his place.”
Khun Sam’s grandmother looks at me with an ignorant face, waiting for me to make a mistake. All I can do now is calm down and wait. I bite my lip, squeeze my hand tight. Of course, I feel guilty for Mr. Kirk every day, he saw me as a sister, but I betrayed him.
“I also heard that you and Kirk have a good relationship, he’s close to you.”
“Y… yeah. Mr. Kirk is kind to me.”
“How do you betray someone who is good for you?”
Jeez…
I look down at my sweaty hands and pretend to smile because I don’t have a good answer for her.
“It must be love.” She answers for me as she laughs a little, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. “Do you love Sam, Mon?”
“Ah…” I feel awkward being asked this way. But I answer her the truth… “Of course, I love Khun Sam.”
“For you, what is love?”
“Love is…” I try to find the answer. Am I being tested? “It’s seeing her happy and being happy with her.”
“A relationship between the two of you, is it love?”
“For me, it’s love yes.”
“A girl with another girl?”
“Yes.”
“Hum…” Khun Sam’s grandmother nods as if she understands.
“Can two women build their own family?”
“I still haven’t stopped to think about it.”
“Well it should. Khun Sam is already 32 years old.” The lady shakes her head as if she disagrees with us. “In a relationship, you have to worry about the future.”
Her words remind me of the trip where we met Kainlong and Earngeai and when Khun Sam spoke about our marriage ceremony.
“Khun Sam said he wants to marry me.”
After I have finished speaking, the powerful lady glares at me. I’m pressed right now.
“Khun Sam said that, really?”
“Yes.”
“Marriage, and then what?”
“Nothing after. I just said it.”
“Sons?”
“Yes?”
“Like having a child?”
I’m blinking my eyes. Now the conversation is going too far. Khun Sam’s grandmother is surrounding me and makes me shake my head.
“I never thought about it. We are two women. How could we have a child?”
“Saw? That’s what I want to tell you.” Khun Sam’s grandmother smiles from the corner of her mouth. “They cannot have children, they cannot form a family, nature did not create a couple of women.”
“…”
“Why would you resist nature?”
“Khun Sam and I haven’t talked about having a child yet.” I think I must fight for something here. “But many same-sex couples have children.”
“You can say what you want. Love between same-sex couples will not last long.”
“…”
“Do not misunderstand me. I’m not a mean grandmother who will forbid her relationship with my granddaughter. I just want to talk and argue about the impossible point. You two never planned for the future.”
“I will talk to Khun Sam.”
“Does not matter. Now I know that Khun Sam doesn’t take this relationship seriously. It’s just an illusion.”
I stare at Khun Sam’s grandmother and she stares back at me in silence. The lady tilts her head and gives me a cold smile.
“You both like men. Khun Sam only follows her straight friends. And as for you, you just adore Khun Sam and had the illusion that it’s love. You can fix this now.”
“…”
“Let’s get this over with. Let her live the life she deserves.”
It’s a simple word, yet so powerful. It forces me to conform, but inside I’m resisting with all my might.
“We love each other, I love Khun Sam.”
I say softly but firmly.
“Do you really love Khun Sam?”
“No doubt.”
“If you really love her, why do you insist on ruining her status?” The lady stares at me and starts hypnotizing me with her eyes. “She is a Mhom Luang, dating a millionaire businessman from high society. They both have a bright future. They are perfect together.”
“…”
“But you’re dragging her down. You’re just the daughter of a janitor and a bus driver. And you… you don’t even have a job.”
“I…”
“If this is love, it means you’re dreaming. But…”
Khun Sam’s grandmother looks at me and keeps smiling at me, contradicting what she’s saying. This is piercing and cutting my heart. Now I understood what I heard from Khun Sam and Jim about this woman. They didn’t exaggerate.
“Low class people are reckless.”
***
“Ah, today you came home. Why are you early?”
“I just needed to work part-time.” I lie to my mother because I don’t want to tell her that I lost my job. “Is tired?”
“Hmm. Tired of what?”
“Of your job. Is tired?”
“You are weird. Yes, I’m married, but that’s okay… Oops, how does my love want today?”
I hug my mom tightly, tears in my eyes. My mom doesn’t react for a while before hugging me back.
“I’m so proud of you.”
“What’s it?”
“Nothing, just wanted to tell you that.”
Low class…
The difference between Khun Sam and me was very clear today. And I agreed with Khun Sam’s grandmother that I didn’t deserve anything: honor, social status, or class. We are so different. And the difference we should have, we don’t.
We are women.
“Khun Sam scolded you? You look sad.”
“I am exhausted from work. Today I will stay here, mother.”
“Make yourself comfortable, you don’t need to ask permission.”
Okay… This is my mother’s house. Why did I ask? I rarely come home. When I’m here, I don’t know what to do. Last time I came home, I spent the whole night talking to Khun Sam.
Night is approaching now… It’s been a long day.
Ting ting!
Sound of a musical instrument nearby. I look in front of my house and see Nop playing an instrument. As I’m walking towards him, my phone vibrates and interrupts me.
Boss: You didn’t tell me you were coming home, why did you leave a note on the fridge?
Boss: Fridge notes are still in fashion?
Boss: What happened?
Boss: Mon Mon.
I read the messages through the notification, but I don’t open them to read them. I’m not ready yet and she’s not to blame for anything.
Let me be alone for a moment.
This is the first time I’ve ignored her messages and tried to pay attention to other things. But as I’m walking, I stop again when my phone rings… of course, it’s Khun Sam calling me.
I can no longer ignore it. I’m upset, but I can’t take it out on her. It’s not correct.
“Yes, Khun Sam.”
[Why didn’t you tell me you’d come home?]
“I left a note on the fridge.”
[You are weird. Today is not the day you come home. Usually you come back on Saturdays and Sundays. What happened?]
“I just wanted to go back, can’t I?”
[There must be something wrong.]
“There is nothing.”
[What is that noise? Who is singing?]
Nop is singing and playing the guitar loudly. I think for a moment before saying the truth. “It’s Nop.”
[I’m going there now.]
“What? … Awww.”
She hung up the call so fast. I sigh before walking over to Nop, my friend that I haven’t spoken to in a long time. My handsome friend walks over to the fence, stops playing his guitar and looks at me in awe.
“Go on, I’m listening.”
“Mon, did you come home?”
He’s clumsy, that makes me feel more guilty. But I’m not mad at him anymore. Today, I just have more free time to talk.
“I can hear? New guitar?”
“Come, I will show you.”
I go to him, sit down and listen to his music. But I can’t feel anything. A moment later, it stops playing.
“You are not listening to me. I am sad.”
“I am listening yes.”
“You are distracted. What was it? Did you fight with Khun Sam?”
“You look like my mother. No, I’m not thinking about anything.”
“But you look unhappy. A girl in love should be happier. And you came home today. I usually see you come back on Saturdays.”
“Are you watching me?” I look at him in awe. “You know I come home on Saturdays, but you haven’t come to say hello to me once.”
“I dare not greet you… Last time I was the reason for your fight with Khun Sam. I think I’m hated enough already.”
“Almost. But I’m not crazy.” I laugh. “How are you, Nop?”
“So-so. But you don’t look good. Tell me what happened?” Nop hangs his guitar on the hook, intending to listen to me.
I smile and look sympathetically at the guy, who is just trying to be a good friend. The boy who secretly loves me, who is afraid I’ll hate him, now wants to hear about my poor love story. He’s a hero.
“Hmm. How can I start?”
“From the main point.”
“We are very different.”
“…”
“Why are you so quiet?”
“Is this a drama series? How so different?”
“Social class.”
“Are we in India? Nowadays, humans are humans. We’re equal. And if we are different, it must be because of the money.”
“Yes indeed. About money, Khun Sam and I are very different.”
“But it always was. Why are you suddenly worried about this now? If you had thought about it earlier, you would not have approached her. Something nudged you…”
I look at Nop hesitantly before sighing and telling him what happened.
“Okay, something really happened.”
I tell you everything that happened between Khun Sam’s grandmother and me on our date today. Telling him lightens all the weight I’ve been carrying around all day. He is a good listener, he listens to me in silence.
“So you got upset, you left her house and you took defeat that easy. Let me guess further, you didn’t tell Khun Sam what happened.”
“Hmm. I’m hurting her… I don’t want to tell. I really feel like I’m useless to her.”
“What did she do wrong? She was just born with status, Mhom Luang and rich. She had no choice.”
“What you mean?”
“You should tell her about this problem and try to find a solution together, instead of keeping quiet and trying to deal with it all on your own. If Khun Sam doesn’t find out, you’ll hurt her.”
“I…”
“Moron.”
“Hey?”
“You think too much and you’re being an idiot. You are so boring. No man or even Khun Sam like women like that. You need to get better.”
I feel stressed and angry about being scolded. So I get up to leave, but he stops me.
“And look what you’re doing: getting pissed off and walking away is idiotic too. You’re the type to run away from the truth.”
“You are so mean, Nop.”
“Now we are just friends. If I still loved you, I wouldn’t dare talk to you like that. Because I would be afraid that you would be mad at me. But now I’m telling you this as a friend.” Nop gets up and walks towards me. He places his hand on my head. “You’re grown up now. Let the reasons lead. You are with a person who is older than you. You need reason more than emotion. If not, it might piss her off.”
“What do you know?”
“I don’t know anything, but I wish you the best. If you agree with me, it’s because you know I’m right.”
“Why do I have to see you with another guy?”
“Khun Sam!” I pull away from Nop quickly because I know how jealous she is. “Nothing happened, we’re just talking.”
She raises her eyebrow.
“Then explain it to me. I am waiting for an explanation.”
“You better go, Nop.”
Nop laughs a little before teasing Khun Sam by brushing my hair and whispering in my ear.
“There.”
“Dont be silly. I’m warning you.”
Khun Sam is not pleased after he dumped me. I leave his house to see Khun Sam, who still has his eyebrow raised.
“How did it get here so fast? We just spoke over the phone.”
“You must have been enjoying talking to him. I see you had a pleasant conversation.”
“Nothing.”
“…”
“If I don’t believe it, I’ll be in a bad mood. And you’re going to have to apologize to me. I will have to fight you.”
“I want to catch up.”
She is so adorable…
“But I believe what I said. So you missed your chance.” She stops raising her eyebrow. “So what’s wrong? Why did you come home? We were fine in the morning.”
“Something was messing with my mind. I needed some time.”
“Couldn’t you have done that back home? Why in your house?”
I remain silent for a moment and look at her hesitantly. However, she needs to know one day. Then I must tell her, as Nop suggested. It’s not fair for Khun Sam not to know.
We are a couple. We must always support each other and find a way out together.
“Your grandmother came to your house and said I should leave you.”
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