By Fate I Conquer Cora Reilly Read Online chapter – 40 A knock sounded and I jumped, my heart rate picking up immediately.
I grabbed a bathrobe and threw it over before I went to the door, trying to banish my unreasonable anxiety. This was my home. I was safe here. When I opened the door, Mom smiled at me. “I just wanted to check on you.” I let her in. “Is Dad home?”
“Yes, he’s downstairs with your uncles, discussing their plans for tomorrow. He wants to tell you good night later.” I smiled, feeling reminded of all the times he did it when I was younger. Mom hesitated then touched my shoulder. “Is there anything you want to talk to me about?”
I shook my head. “Not yet. I’m fine for now.” There were so many things I was confused about, I needed time to sort through them before I could talk to anyone. “Will you be all right alone tonight? I could stay with you.” I kissed Mom’s cheek. “I’ll be fine, Mom. I’m not scared of the dark.”
Mom nodded, but I could tell she still worried about me. “Good night then.” After she left, I put on one of my favorite nightgowns to feel more like myself again and slipped under the covers. As I lay awake, I made the decision to transform the tattoo on my back into something that proved I was stronger than Earl thought I could ever be. I wouldn’t hide or back down. I’d attack.
I picked up my phone and began searching tattoo artists. I wouldn’t let anyone’s judgment determine who I was. Not now, not ever.
Despite my words, horrible images haunted me the moment I turned off the lights. Crude tattoos, cut-off pieces of me, torn-apart bodies, and fighting dogs. My stomach churned.
A knock made me jerk up in bed. “Yes?” I called, sounding shaky.
Dad stepped in, brows puckering. “Are you all right, Princess?”
“Can you not call me that?” I asked, remembering the many times Earl or Cody had used the term to make me feel dirty.
Dad stiffened but nodded. He remained by the door as if he suddenly wasn’t sure how to act around me. I could tell he had many questions he wanted to ask, but he didn’t. “I came to wish you a good night.”
“Thanks,” I said quietly. He turned to leave.
“Dad?”
He faced me again.
“I’m coming with you tomorrow when you question the captives.”
“Marci—”
“Please.”
He nodded, but his expression still said no. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, but I won’t stop you. Amo and I are going to head over to the prison very early. You should sleep in and come over later with Matteo.”
Once he’d left, I tossed in bed for another hour, but the dark brought up bad memories and I couldn’t sleep with my lights on. In the last few weeks, Maddox had been by my side at night, and no matter how ridiculous it was, I’d felt safe by his side. Now all alone, anxiety got the better of me.
I got out of bed, threw on my bathrobe, and crossed the corridor to Amo’s room. I knocked.
“Come in,” Amo called.
I slipped in and closed the door. Amo sat at his desk in front of his computer, only in sweats. “Playing Fortnight?” I asked, relieved he was back to his routine.
“That’s for kids and losers,” he muttered. “I’m doing research on interrogation methods used by the Mossad and KGB.”
“Oh,” I whispered. I felt a strange sense of loss. My little brother was gone. His sixteenth birthday was still two months away but he had grown up in the weeks I had been gone.
Amo looked up from the screen, frowning. “Do you need help?”
I shook my head. “Can I sleep in here tonight?” I couldn’t remember the last time Amo and I had slept in the same room together. We were too old for sleepovers, but I didn’t know where else to go.
“Sure,” he said slowly, eyeing me critically.
I crawled under the covers. “I’ll sleep at the edge.”
“Don’t worry. I can’t sleep anyway. Too much adrenaline.”
I nodded. “You should play video games again like you used to, you know?”
“I’m going to rip the bikers to shreds tomorrow. That’s the only entertainment I need,” he muttered.
I closed my eyes, hoping Amo would be back to his old self soon, but deep down I knew neither of us could retrieve what was lost.
I didn’t sleep much, so I was already awake and back in my room when Mom knocked at my door early the next morning. My thoughts had revolved around Maddox and my family most of the night.
“Come in,” I said, sitting up in bed. The night had been filled with pain in my back and uncertainty in my heart.
Mom was already dressed in a thin knit dress, and unlike yesterday, her eyes were clear. No sign of tears. She looked resolute as if she’d come to save our whole family single-handedly. She held something in her hand as she headed toward me and perched on the edge of my bed. “I have something for you,” she said.
I was glad that she didn’t ask how my night had been. She could probably guess that I’d barely slept. I hoped Amo wouldn’t tell her or Dad that I’d been too scared to sleep in my own room. Tonight I’d stay strong no matter what.
She stroked my hair like she had done when I was a little girl then she opened her hand, presenting a half-moon-shaped, white-gold ear climber studded with diamonds.
My eyes widened. “It’s beautiful.” I gingerly touched my ear. It was still tender but I avoided touching it.
“Until you decide to have it fixed, you can cover it with beautiful jewelry.”
I picked up the earpiece. “I don’t think I’ll get it fixed. It’s a good reminder that I shouldn’t take anything for granted.” I held up the ear climber. “Can you help me put it on?”
I still hadn’t looked at the wound but I would have to if I put it on by myself.
Mom scooted closer, then very gently attached the earpiece to my ear. I bit back a wince as the jewelry touched my still tender ear. “It’s a good thing that you have more holes in your ear.”
I laughed. I still remembered how Dad had disapproved of me getting my ear pierced, but I always only wore elegant small diamonds so he made peace with it eventually.
“How does it look?” I asked.
Mom beamed. “Absolutely stunning. Go, see for yourself.”
I climbed out of bed and checked out my reflection. The earpiece perfectly covered up my missing earlobe. I touched it and smiled. This way I could keep the reminder but choose when I wanted to present it to the world.
I turned to Mom. “How did you get this done so quickly? Please don’t tell me Dad threatened every jeweler in New York last night to get it as soon as possible.”
Mom giggled. “No, no. I actually started looking for an earpiece like that when… when we found out that your ear got hurt.” She made it sound as if I’d had an accident that cost me my earlobe, and not that vengeful bikers had cut it off and sent it to my family. “But your dad would have threatened them all for you if necessary. He’d do anything for us.”
“I know,” I said. “I don’t blame him, you know. Please don’t tell me you and Dad fought because of me.”
Mom got up and came over to me. She touched my cheek. “I was terrified for you. And your dad blamed himself. I could see how much he hated himself for it. But I didn’t fight with him. We’re all part of this world. Your dad tries to protect us from it to the best of his abilities.”
“I always knew he’d save me. I never doubted it.”
“He barely slept. He and every soldier in his command searched for you day and night.”
Tears shot into my eyes but I didn’t allow them to fall. I didn’t like to cry, not even in front of Mom.
Mom, too, fought tears. She touched my arm. “Your dad said one of the bikers revealed the clubhouse whereabouts to him.”
I nodded. “Maddox.”
Silence spread between us as Mom searched my eyes. My voice had been off, even I could tell. I cleared my throat. “He and I got closer during my captivity.”
Mom didn’t show her shock if she felt any. It felt good to tell her. If anyone would understand then it was her. Mom believed in love against all odds, in true love. She’d taught me to believe in it as well. I’d clung to Giovanni, desperately hoping what we had would magically turn into the kind of all-consuming love Mom and Dad lived before my eyes every day.
I feared I’d now found it: the kind of love that left you breathless, that hurt almost as much as it made you feel good. It was a love I wasn’t sure I should pursue.
“Oh Marci,” Mom said, as if she could see all my thoughts.
“I wanted to use him so he’d help me escape and he basically did…”
“But you fell for him?”
Falling in love. I’d never really understood the term—as if love was something as inevitable as the force of gravity. As if it grabbed you and dragged you down with it. With Giovanni, it had been a logical choice. But what Maddox and I had defied logic. It went against everything he and I had believed in. It went against reason, against my family’s beliefs.
“Dad would never allow it. Not with a biker. Not after what Maddox did.”
Mom tilted her head in consideration. “I think the latter is the bigger problem. What about you? Can you forgive Maddox for what he did? For kidnapping you? For allowing others to hurt you?”
It was a question I’d often asked myself, already during my captivity and all the more in the hours since my escape. My heart and mind were at odds. I didn’t want to forgive him, but my heart already had. But I wasn’t someone who acted on impulse. I thought things through, weighed the pros against the cons.
Love didn’t work that way. But if Maddox’s love for me, or my love for him was toxic, I’d rather find the antidote as quickly as possible.
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